Yeah, I know the title is disgusting, but that's the point. This weekend I've really been learning how much Satan loves to pick our scabs. If you go through anything painful at all--a bad memory, abuse, lost friends or loved ones--Satan loves to remind you of it when conditions are perfect for him to intervene. You're relationship with God is thriving, you're loving on friends like never before, you're joyful, you're healing from pain. Bam! Re-live this moment. Bam! Be reminded of the past.
Last night is about the time this realization hit me. I left Bloomington for Christmas break and went straight to my parent's church for a Madrigal (not magical, haha)dinner. I have to say I wasn't looking forward to it but I definitely wasn't expecting the night that I had. I saw some old "friends" who I definitely was not expecting or prepared to see and that brought a whole lot of emotion flooding back with memories of our friendship. I was also awkwardly questioned:
"Do you have a boyfriend?" Lady. "No."
(awkward stare)
"I did, but we broke up this summer."
"Oh, he couldn't put up with you anymore, huh?" Lady's husband.
(me awkwardly looking around in shock for a minute)
"Oh...she didn't answer..." Lady.
What was that?! I mean honestly who says that.
Friday started this downward trend of recollections with a movie that brought back a whole heap of mess flooding back to my mind. I couldn't help but wonder if my life was being recorded for a movie. I feel like some of the things that happened were things I only saw happen in movies. Then I realized exactly what was going on. This man and woman weren't just being rude (although that probably is true), they were pawns in Satan's sick game.
Some things that bring us pain in old wounds are necessary for healing to take place. I feel like Friday was probably one of those times. As a result, Satan wanted to keep on bringing me down with unnecessary recounts of the past.
See, salt in a wound is painful but that's because it's healing. It's killing the bacteria that plagues the area and it allows for quicker healing. That's what God does with us. He'll slowly and as gently as He can heal us from the inside out by pouring salt into the wound little by little. He's our peroxide, our ointment, our antibiotic for what lies deeper within. We're reminded of painful things sometimes so that He can release us of the power it has over us.
Satan takes advantage of this. He loves, LOVES, to confuse us as to what is actually beneficial for us. He sees God do this for us and He starts picking away at the scab that starts to heal our wound. He doesn't want us to be healed. He doesn't want us to be joyful. This is what I think was going on yesterday. Satan knew just how to keep picking at me in an attempt to capitalize on my already bleeding heart from the night before.
Because of these things, the ball is then in our court as to how to respond. Do we respond in anger towards God? Do we take it out on everyone around us? Or do we kick Satan in the face and yell at him to back down? I say the latter. Sometimes these instances can cause such great pain that it's hard to remember that we are in Warfare. That we're not only constantly surrounded by God loving and caring for us, but we're also constantly surrounded by the enemy and his minions trying to unravel everything.
Don't back down. Don't let Satan or your wounds control you. Allow God to heal and kick Satan down. Let God take control of EVERY part of you and let go...of EVERYTHING.
