Reestablish Life

I've been on a bit of a reading binge as of late and only continued that today :) I just finished my most recent book, "This Present Darkness," and today I decided to start reading a much referred book called, "Irresistable Revolution." I had to work at both my job at the restaurant today and my internship but I was so enthralled by this author's message about true Christian discipleship that I ended my work day 130 pages in. I couldn't wait to blog about my thoughts during the day so I scribbled them down on a piece of paper I grabbed. Here were the thoughts God started formulating in my mind...

For the past few years I've wanted more...more out of this faith I committed to, more than this life I've been leading...more. I've been trying to find the cure to this taunting illness of chasing the temporary--temporary highs in seeing people accept Christ into their lives, temporary satisfaction in relinquishing my personal whatevers to help a friend in need, temporary devotion to "unconventionally" live for God.

Wait. Backup.

Unconventional living for God...that was the only method I tried that started to truly stir up my heart in more ways than I ever imagined. Who said Christianity and living for Christ was about reading a "sacred book?" That's nothing I want to be apart of. The truth is my faith was as stale as month old bread and I was thriving for more. I was tired of church on Sundays, Bible study on Wednesdays, and doing my best to be a good person who liked deep conversation. I knew there was more and I desparately needed it. Wait, that's all still the case.

Now I'm faced trying to decide what to do after I graduate. I've been battling my flesh in wanting to stick with the dream I once thought I was born with--the wonderful world of meteorology. Even though one part of me, the surface, desperately wanted to continue to cling to my dream, my inner-self was awakening--or the Spirit was awakening it rather. Still uncertain of what this meant, I searched and Googled different options in Chicago's inner-city. How could I be a more sincere follower of Christ than this religious propaganda I've been chasing? That I've been dooped into thinking was, well, it.

What will you do with your one and only life? A question that will plague my very soul until my dying breath evaporates into the air. A great one that I've been asked a few times by my good friend Claudia. I don't know what God will use of me but I know I will actually give Him the ability now that I've been awakened to new life. I don't want to feed the system, I want to be IN the system loving and serving! I want to be the hands and feet of Christ! I want to FINALLY experience what it is to die to myself and allow Christ to resurrect within me. I want to KNOW God and see His hand at work in a world of foolishness and craze. (1 John 4)

My eyes have finally been opened to the reality of the need to live, love, and serve alongside the dying and the hungry, the diseased and the dirt poor. Why do I complain of a headache when my fellow man is in SUCH despair? How dare I EVER cling to my "rights" when Christ demands it ALL? I want God to break me, rip me apart from myself and discard everything that is of me and NOT of Him. He calls for ALL of me. I have no rights for I died to them when I began this new life, and how dare I try to claim what is not mine.

You'll be a doormat. That's irrational. It makes me feel less.

Boo. What is foolish by this world's standards is wisdom to God. What is it to you if that homeless person you just gave 5 bucks spends it on a pack of cigs? That $5 NEVER belonged to you in the first place and the One it does belong to told you to give it to him. What more can we say and do than mere obedience? Mother Teresa said it absolutely best as she said, "God does not call me to be successful; He has called me to be faithful." That's only scratching the surface my friends. Why, if we as Christians claim to have the greatest hope there ever was, do we live the most fearful lives? As Rafiki said, "It is time."