Money Money

This past week I've been wondering about people and their relationship with their possessions. What causes us all to cling so desperately to what we have? Why do we lean so heavily on our material crap, really, rather than on what actually matters and even lasts?

What started my pondering was my sister-in-law's tragic fire in which she lost everything she owned. Thankfully, oooh thankfully, she and my two nieces made it out safe and sound....except with nothing but the clothes on her back and about a third of my nieces' stuff that wasn't there. This bothered me so much that this would happen in the midst of EVERYTHING their poor family has been through within a year's time. In all honesty, I was pretty ticked at God.

Why? What the heck is the purpose of this fire?

Yeah, I know there's a lot of answers to that question but none of them seemed to fit this circumstance. I didn't see how it could all fit. I desperately searched and seeked for God's purpose in allowing this to happen and I begged Him to at least show me a glimpse or let me in on His "little secret." Then He did the unthinkable...just a few minutes after begging and pleading and seeking, I turned my computer on and saw my little verse of the day: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal" (Matthew 6:19-21).

This made me a little more mad I have to admit but tears literally fell harder and harder after each word that I read. I balled for at least a good 5 minutes. I've heard this verse so many times before but this seemed like a smack in the face to me at this moment. At the same time that this made me a little more mad, it also gave me hope that God actually did have a plan and a purpose for a restoration.

I've collected things so many times before for the homeless, the hungry, the needy...everytime it was for strangers. Now it was personal. Now my family was homeless, hungry, needy. I've never been so humbled than if it was my very self in desperate need without a thing.

The pain ran deep and collecting things from myself and from others opened up doors for me to see the inner-workings of how giving and selflessness actually and truly comes into play. I found myself frustrated by the lack of help and support. I found myself extremely excited and joyful when people who I even least expected pulled through big time. I felt sorrow for not being able to give more....or could I? Can I?

After being taught this whole week what it means to have nothing and to have to rebuild with just the help of others and your desire to survive, I learned that we are all so flipping greedy! I felt selfish without even doing anything that was intentionally selfish. I looked around at my possessions that I had in my dorm room and as a college student I was in a lot better shape than SO MANY people who are well beyond my years. I'm not rich by any means but truly I am. I get mad when I don't get that shirt I want, when my car sounds like death, when I don't have a bunch of money to blow on whatever. At least I have a plethora of clothing to choose my outfits every day, at least I have a car, at least I have some money. How did I become such a greedy brat?

Giving boxes of food to those who needed it just outside the campus walls, so to speak, with SHINE was the tip of the iceburg. Hearing people's stories of how they truly wanted and have fought to make it in the world, I learned just how rich I am. I didn't have to worry about how to feed my kids, let alone myself. I didn't have to worry about not having a car to visit my mom in prison just once since she's been there in 2 years. I didn't have to worry about not getting evicted every month when I couldn't afford the bill. How did I become so greedy?

Comfort. Comfort is my enemy. I get caught up in my own little bubble of wanting to impress others or wanting to be more comfortable than I already am. Once that bubble is popped I see my possessions as they are...fragile and frail peices of crap that don't mean a thing. Bugs will eat your house away, water will rust your car away, theives will steal your money away, fires will burn anything away. In any case, we lose it. If not in our lifetime, in losing our life. I've never seen a dead person grab their pimped out car as they were buried.

Why do we get so attached to these little things that don't mean a thing to us in actuality? Why do we let those urges and desires grow into something that controls us? I don't want more than I need anymore. Honestly, I do but I hate it with all my being. I feel dirty when I'm dressed in expensive fancy clothes and walk by someone who's barely even making it living on the streets.

This must be what Paul talks about when he says:

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with he law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. (Romans 7:14-25)

The wording is kind of confusing but read it slowly and truly contemplate what he's trying to get across. There is an inward battle of sin vs. righteousness and our flesh (of this world) strongly desires the sin. Our souls long to be made right with God (righteousness) but our flesh gets in the way because this world still has such a grip on us. We want to do what is right but our desires to satisfy our flesh are so strong and we're used to giving into those desires before walking with God that we end up giving into those desires anyways.

I'm tired of being greedy. I'm tired of wanting more. I don't want anymore crap, I want what lasts. I want to store up treasures that last in heaven. I want to give like there's no tomorrow. I want to be stripped of my comfort and I want to intentionally and selflessly love by giving what often means the most to me--my possessions.

After all, isn't everything we have just kind of loaned to us anyways? What did we every bring into this world at birth? Every seen a baby come out with Blackberry?